Oh, Shit (Literally)

The past month has been pretty shitty for the Loyers, literally and figuratively.  I decided I'd share this story for some comic relief because sometimes you just have to laugh so you don't cry.

Aidan is taking swim lessons at the Y this month and has really been enjoying them.  The pool where he does lessons is indoors and normally either Jon or I will swim with Max to keep him entertained during Aidan's lesson.  Yesterday after swim lessons finished we all decided to swim for a bit.  All four of us had been swimming for a few minutes when all of a sudden we saw a woman near us flag down one of the lifeguards.  As he approached, she pointed to it... a turd in the pool!  The lifeguard said, "Are you sure it isn't sand?  We've had a lot of sand in the pool lately."  The woman replied, "No.  I'm sure.  It's poop."  The lifeguards blew their whistles and everyone paraded out of the pool.  Who would do something like that?  Disgusting!  They were going to have to shut down to pool to remove the poo and add more chemicals.  Aidan complained bitterly that we had to get out, he was just starting to have fun.  I was side eyeing every small child getting out of the pool.  Who was the pooping culprit?

A minute or so after we got out of the pool, Jon took Max with him to the bathroom as Aidan and I dried off and started to pack up.  An older gentleman climbed out of the hot tub and dove into the pool head first.  As he surfaced, he rubbed the poo-water out of his eyes as one of the lifeguards frantically gestured at him to get out.  "Sir, we've had to close the pool.  You need to get out now.  There's... well there's poop in the pool."  The man briskly walked to the stairs to exit with a disgusted expression.  On the deck, four or five lifeguards gathered to come up with a game plan.  There was much discussion and pointing.  After a few minutes, one lifeguard approached the pool with a net and bucket and tried to fish out the turd.  As all this was happening I was wondering, "Where in the world is Jon?"

Suddenly, Jon exited the locker room holding Max with a strange expression on his face.  "We need to go.  Now!"  I must have had a bewildered look on my face, because he started to explain.  Once he got into the bathroom he caught a whiff of something from Max's diaper...  You guessed it, folks.  My child was the mystery pooper.  Poor Jon hadn't been expecting this and took off Max's diaper in the bathroom stall.  He attempted to clean Max up with toilet paper.  Holding a filthy, squirming one year old in one hand while attempting to clean him up with the other is no easy feat.  Somehow, he managed at which point he high tailed it out of the bathroom with Max sans diaper, wrapped in a towel.

As you can imagine I was shocked and embarrassed.  We quickly packed up and tried to act low key as we left in a hurry.  The whole time, Aidan was asking loudly, "Why would someone poop in the pool, Momma. Why?!"  Max was as happy as ever and didn't seem at all ashamed of his behavior.  Parenthood is so humbling and this was another one of those humbling moments.  Suffice it to say, next time we're at the pool I'll be putting Max in a disposable AND cloth swim diaper for extra protection.

What's one of your humbling parenthood moments? I'd love to hear!

In Pursuit of a Good Death

Yesterday we found out that our dog has liver cancer.  It's so advanced that our best option is to keep Ellie comfortable until it's time to let her go.  She's old and I knew something like this would happen eventually, but I'm absolutely shattered.  Ellie is my first baby; before I had human babies, all of my motherly/nurturing energy was poured into my sweet doggie.  We rescued Ellie from Chesapeake Animal Control a little over 6 years ago.  She was very sick when we first got her and we spent a long time nursing her to health.  She has the sweetest personality, and is so affectionate.  She's super laid back (like us) and just loves to snuggle up on the couch.  I am so thankful for the 6 years we've already spent with our girl, and we're gearing up to make the most of the time we have left with her.

We decided to make a Doggie Bucket List for Ellie so we could do some of her favorite things, and some things that will create lasting memories for our family.  Here's what we have so far:

1. Walk in the woods: Ellie is a beagle and LOVES to sniff around in the woods.  We're going to take her into the woods and follow her wherever her nose leads.
2. Steak dinner: I'm going to find a lean piece of steak (I don't want to upset her stomach) and cook it up for her.  She is a very food-motivated dog, and I'm hoping she'll love having an entire steak to herself.
3. New toy: we're going to let the boys pick out a special toy for her at the pet store and play with her.
4. Warm laundry: Ellie LOVES to snuggle in laundry fresh out of the dryer.  Normally I'm annoyed that she's getting dog hair all over my clean clothes, but we're going to put some of her favorite snuggly blankets in the dryer and let her wallow in them to her heart's content.
5. Paw print art: I'm going to make salt dough impressions of her paws for us to keep. I think the boys will really like to have a tangible reminder of her when she's gone.
6. Family picture: My talented friend Cathy at Willow Bay Photography has graciously offered to come take a family picture of us all together.

I'm really committed to giving our girl a good death; one as free from suffering as possible, surrounded by love. Do you have any suggestions for our list?  How have you coped with the loss of a pet?  I'm especially interested if you've helped a young child through the loss of a pet.

Like a Broken Record

One of the things I was least prepared for when I started staying home with my kids was how repetitive my days can sometimes feel.  Prepare a meal, attempt to eat said meal without getting up 20 times to fetch something for the kids, clean up from the meal, and repeat.  I do more food service now than when I worked in a restaurant, I swear!  Along with repeating the same tasks, I feel like I use the same phrases again and again.  Some of them are predictable, but others are things I didn't realize I'd be saying period, let alone All. The. Time.  So, here are a list of my most-used Mom Phrases for your reading pleasure:

• You JUST ate!
• If you want to touch your private parts, you should do it in your own room.
• Closely related: We don't touch our penises in the living room!
• Where are your shoes?
• We're LATE!  Pick up the pace, please.
• Please don't dump out the whole bin of blocks/trains/play food.
• Quiet please; your brother is napping.
• Don't feed your food to the dog.
• Do you have to go potty?
• I am watching.  Oh wow, that's cool!
• Don't tackle/push/hit your brother.
• You don't need to take all your clothes off to use the bathroom.
• Don't fight over [that toy]; take turns.
• The couch is not a trampoline!
• You're going to fall from there.  Climb down!
• Please don't throw my cell phone.
• Followed closely by: Did it break?!
• It's time to start cleaning up.
• No, you can't have another snack.
• Get your hand out of my shirt. It's not time for milk right now.

I'm sure I forgot some obvious ones.  What are your most-used parenting phrases?

Let's Get Real for a Minute

Today I want to talk about something I'm really passionate about, and something that's very close to my heart.  After I had Aidan I struggled.  Like REALLY struggled.  Becoming a mom was something I wanted to do for as long as I can remember.  My entire life had lead up to the moment I met my baby for the first time.  I was completely elated after he was born.  Then the difficulties with breastfeeding started, the lack of sleep started to take its toll, he was hospitalized for jaundice, my own body which was trying to recover from a pretty traumatic labor and delivery experience, and my hormones were completely out of whack.  I remember getting up to feed Aidan in the middle of the night when he was a few days old and thinking, "This is my life now.  I am never going to be rested again.  I have to keep doing this every few hours for the forseeable future."  And then it really start to set in.

Having a baby is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.  It's more work than you could ever fathom or prepare for beforehand.  I thought I knew what parenthood would be like.  I've been taking care of other people's kids for many years.  I love babies.  I'm a pediatric nurse for goodness sakes!  Taking care of kids is my JOB!  But suddenly none of that mattered.  When it's your own baby, it's a whole different ball game and I suddenly had NO IDEA what I was doing.  For an extreme Type A personality that was entirely overwhelming.  I am a planner to my very core; I need to be organized and in control.  When you have a baby, you have very little control over your life at first.  Your whole life revolves around catering to your baby's every need.

I remember telling my mom and Jon, "I'm not Kaitlin anymore.  I have no idea who I am." I remember saying over and over again, "I'm not a person anymore."  I was totally floundering.  I cried myself to sleep pretty much every night.  I cried a lot during the day.  Sure, there were moments of happiness.  I LOVED that baby fiercely, but I didn't really know how to like him.  Babies take take take take take take take and can't really give back.  It's exhausting! Aidan would scream for hours (I later found out he had a milk protein intolerance that was contributing to that) and I remember putting him in a baby carrier and pacing the halls of my house crying along with him.  I also remembering bringing Aidan to visit with my coworkers while I was on maternity leave.  One of them said to me, "Isn't being a mom just the best thing in the world?" I honestly could not understand what she was talking about at that point.  I felt like the only one who had ever felt that way. Everyone else I knew seemed to be loving mommyhood.  They posted the sweetest pictures of themselves and their babies on Facebook and Instagram.  Besides, what kind of mother doesn't like their kid?  What kind of mother feels like she made a big mistake and wasn't cut out for motherhood like she'd always thought she was?

Finally, in the midst of all of this I read a blog post from a beauty blogger I'd been following for a while (read it here).  I started to realize that maybe I wasn't alone.  Maybe I wasn't the only mother who'd felt this way.  Motherhood is so heavy at times.  This was the start of my recovery.  I started getting more sleep.  I was back at work and started to feel more connected to pre-baby Kaitlin.  I am a damn good nurse and getting back to doing something I was confident at felt great.  I started falling head over heels in love with the little human I had created.  He started to smile and show affection.  He was more than just a newborn.  He had feelings and preferences and a little personality that was beginning to emerge.  I started to understand what my coworker said when she said, "Isn't motherhood the best?"

The purpose of this post is to be transparent.  BECOMING A MOM IS HARD!  Not enough people tell it like it is.  If you're scrolling through social media in the middle of the night and all you see are happy pictures and posts from other moms, you're going to feel like shit if you're struggling.  We are doing women a huge disservice if we only share the happy, blissful moments of parenthood.  That's not real life!  It makes moms feel isolated and guilty when they're not (or not always) loving motherhood.  So, I implore you, be real!  Be real on social media.  Share some tough moments in between the perfect-appearing ones.  Be real with your friends; find some women that you can be completely honest with, that you can count on to tell you the truth.

If you're struggling, I want you to know that you're not alone.  Talk to someone.  Talk to your mom, a friend, a coworker, , your doula, your partner.  Don't keep those feelings inside.  Accept help!  And for God's sake TALK TO YOUR MIDWIFE/DOCTOR!!!  Do NOT be ashamed to get help for yourself.  You're doing a great job.  You are enough.  And it gets easier, I promise.